Miami Beach Parking Isn't All That Bad

I went to the beach this afternoon, which has against all odds become a recent habit, and parked in the 17th street lot on South Beach. After increasing my chance of sun cancer and wrinkles for a few hours I came back, put my ticket in the on-foot-payment machine, paid the $5 and kind of threw it at my dashboard. It landed on the face of my huge gas gauge and slid half way in between the glass and plastic. Thinking "oh I better grab that before it slides all the way in" I went to grab it and, well obviously with my luck, it slid all the way in. My first instinct was to rip the cheap plastic around the thing off, so I did. I looked through and see it leads down to the floor, where I then looked (after ripping my dashboard apart mind you) and it wasn't there. I got into some ungodly position to look up through my dashboard (I may not have delicate fingers, but I'm flexible), and didn't see anything. I slipped an old receipt in to see where it might fall, and there's another path into God knows what. So now I'm like "fuck I'm going to have to pay the Twenty-some dollar lost ticket fee".

So I go up and tell the lady my unlikely story, she calls someone, who comes right away. He believes me and let's me go. Thank you Miami Beach Parking.

Wake Up It's 2013

Your calendar is wrong. 2013 is actually coming in early 2008, and you can take a peak into the near future tonight. Junc Ops, the hip-hop project of local electronic producers Kentsoundz and PG-13, is dropping by WVUM at 11pm for a bit of chit chat. We'll be playing some tracks off their upcoming debut album 2013, which officially drops Febuary 23rd on PG's own Circuitree Records. Hopefully that will convince you to check out the official release party on Feb 21 at Churchill's, and another performance at the same place on March 27th.

Circuitree,ever focused on the future, seems to have a lot in the works with a national release and college radio push for their Silicon Graffiti compilation, as well as some possible big name collabos. Keep an ear out.

WVUM can be heard on 90.5 fm in most of Dade county and streaming online at WVUM.ORG

Eau De Glorified Strip Mall

It's nice that Sunset Place, the graveyard of so many teenage cliches, now has a successful adult plot. However, the levels of noxious colegne fumes that comes from placing Martini Bar across from a Hollister can't be good for the environment, or anyone walking by.

5 People I Wish Weren't On The Beach: Display and Observation On South Beach

Crowded beaches, South Beach especially, carry a not-so-subtle undercurrent of casting you as audience or performer. We can't help but oogle others in their swim suits, while being terrified or excited that others are judging us in ours. With a hundred people situated on the beach all facing the ocean, the shoreline becomes a sort of stage. Some people take this notion way too far. Here's a list of some people I witnessed doing just that today:

1. Frisbee Guy, you were doing things I didn't know one could do with a frisbee. Hey, when you made it ride your lip that was pretty cool, but the thing is you're on-the-lower-side-of-morbidly obese, old, and hairy. It's cool that you still remember tricks your crazy uncle taught you when you were 12, but the fact that you were so very concentrated on doing them, and that you were totally alone was depressing. Maybe some one would come up and talk to you if this was a park and you were fully dressed, but face it you're going to have to juggle like 5 flaming frisbees to get someone to get over the site of you hairy man-tit and acknowledge you.

2. I witnessed a new sport I didn't know existed today: Kick Vollyball! Totally appropriate for a "wtf is going on? hey that's kinda neat" glance. Not enthralling enough to sit down directly next to a full garbage to watch for hours like one old man did. I'm sure he was totally engaged in the pick-up game and not at all in the fact that everyone playing it was a muscley latino in a speedo.

3. Debra never thought she'd find love after Bobby Lee left her for her one-armed cousin, that is until she met Miguel. Sure Miguel was 10 years younger, but Debra found his Puerto Rican charm irresistible. Besides, maybe if Debra died her hair bleach blond, got an unsightly tattoo on her thigh and wore way-too revealing outfits no one would notice that she was pushing 40. She'd do anything to keep scrawny Miguel. Even forgive him for a lil' abuse now and then, but when he yelled at her "bitch, don't talk like that" and put his hands around her neck in front of hundreds of other beach goers she wondered if it was really worth it.

4. Oh, hey, how's the bird watching today? Oh, wait those aren't birds your watching at all through those binoculars are they? You're not even going to try and hide the fact that you're staring at chicks tits, are you? You're just going to stand on the beach with a pair of binoculars looking at fun bags? Alone? Wearing khakis? for three hours? You've lost all shame, haven't you?

5. Scientific studies show that beach goer's favorite activity by far is lying down. While lying down some beach goers read, others nap, some talk quietly with a friend, a few enjoy quiet introspection. However, very few of these lying-down related activities are enhanced by having a fucking drum circle going on 3 yards away. Really, who the fuck brings drums to the beach, sits down in a crowded area, and precedes to "get there jam on" for most of the afternoon. Fuck you and your maraca accompaniment.

Of course there's always one demographic I'm always more than happy to see at the beach: Babies in water wings! *null in void if those fuckers start crying.