Simulated Sex With Hillary Clinton

Remember when we were all just supposed to bend over and let Hillary Clinton slide up our ...inaguration parade? *SIGH*, how I miss those days. Oh Iowa, what have you done?

It's not that I don't like Obama, he's fine. It's just that I like my politicians to take it nice and slow, not rush into anything. Hillary's been flirting with America since Bill's presidential campaign. There were always those jokes about her being co-president, but really could she be interested in us? She finally made a move on our health care one night, but the timing wasn't right, and it kind of got screwed up and it was just awkward. We didn't really talk for a while, but everyonce in a while we'd catch a glimpse of her and realized we still had feelings. The flirting started getting heavy again. In fact she was so busy seducing us, she forgot about Bill's needs, but y'know what? We loved her even more for it. Then she finally stopped teasing us, shoved her hands down our pants and grabbed on to one of our houses of congress. We know she meant business now. Hot. Hot. Hot. It got some of us so riled up they started writting erotic fiction about the idea. In 2004 she kind of left us with blue balls, but it couldn't work then. It wasn't the right time. Finally in the begining of 2007 she came into our study one night wearing nothing but a frilly robe and was like "here I am baby, take me", and we almost shot our load then.

Now though we may never get our 8 years in heavan with Hillary. Thanks alot Obama, you sure our a smooth talker and all, but you've ruined a beautiful relationship. You're still young, we would have gladly waited 8 years for you, and it would be even better because you'd be even more experienced.

I'm not even going to continue the sex metaphor with the discussion of Huckabee getting into our pants, it's just so wrong on so many levels.