Mohawks Are For Those Who Know Not

Mohawks are the kind of haircut you get when you're a seven year old boy at summer camp. Making fauxhawks the kind of haircut you get when you don't have the balls of a seven year old boy. Either, and other hawk type haircuts (lowhawks, blowhawks, frohawks, and corn-rowhawks to name a few), should never be worn by anyone whose age outnumbers their shoe size. Much like the hair style of Queen Elizabeth I they should come to be viewed, and perhaps even appreciated, as historical haircuts.

Wearers of mohawks have various reasons for doing so, cheif among them is to convey that they are somewhat of a "badass". They don't play by societies rules, and wish to express this by choosen a hairstyle that society has ruled to be reserved for "badass"-wannabees and those adopted by Angelina Jolie. However it should be noted that no recorded "badass" of any significance has worn a mohawk since 1983.

So please frat boys, tough gays, and scuzz punks, put down the pomade. If you must shave an unconvential part of your head while leaving others quit harried, may I suggest something in a nice Cut Off Your Hands.